The Road To Recovery
I am a Mormon.
Technically, that is.
I haven't attended church for over a year and I no longer have a "testimony" of its truthfulness, assuming I ever really had one in the first place.
My name is still on the membership records of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, although I harbor designs of resignation. I'm hoping to beat the Bishop and/or Stake President to the punch, since I'd rather "quit" the church than allow them to "fire" me a' la ex-communication.
After countless hours of research into church history and soul searching, I reached a critical point in my spirituality and took a much needed inventory of my beliefs. Everything I once considered "truth" was called into question and most, if not all, of it failed the polygraph miserably.
Deciding I could no longer live a lie, I confessed my unbelief to my wife, who was upset at first, but who has remained unconditionally supportive of me ever since. She still believes in all of it, despite my initial (and awkward) attempts to explain the reasons for my apostasy. She still wears the "sacred, not secret" temple garments and has given me a weak promise of someday reading some of the materials I have suggested.
That day has not yet come and I must accept the possibility that it may never come. I cannot force my unbelief upon her, since she has so willingly embraced the religion of her parents (which I did as well, although to a lesser extent. My family was never the "hard core" household in our local ward by any stretch.)
It was never my intention to discover the awful truth behind mormonism, at least not at first. I tripped on a website and fell facefirst into the awful mess that Joseph Smith left behind as part of his "legacy." Only then were my eyes opened to the things that have been kept from me all these years as a member of the "one true church."
To this day, the church wants to pretend these horrible truths don't exist. Officially, they either sidestep the issue, or attempt to wave them away with a curt "so what?"
I refuse to accept such pat answers, thankyouverymuch.
I am a Mormon.
But I am in recovery.
This is my journey.
Technically, that is.
I haven't attended church for over a year and I no longer have a "testimony" of its truthfulness, assuming I ever really had one in the first place.
My name is still on the membership records of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, although I harbor designs of resignation. I'm hoping to beat the Bishop and/or Stake President to the punch, since I'd rather "quit" the church than allow them to "fire" me a' la ex-communication.
After countless hours of research into church history and soul searching, I reached a critical point in my spirituality and took a much needed inventory of my beliefs. Everything I once considered "truth" was called into question and most, if not all, of it failed the polygraph miserably.
Deciding I could no longer live a lie, I confessed my unbelief to my wife, who was upset at first, but who has remained unconditionally supportive of me ever since. She still believes in all of it, despite my initial (and awkward) attempts to explain the reasons for my apostasy. She still wears the "sacred, not secret" temple garments and has given me a weak promise of someday reading some of the materials I have suggested.
That day has not yet come and I must accept the possibility that it may never come. I cannot force my unbelief upon her, since she has so willingly embraced the religion of her parents (which I did as well, although to a lesser extent. My family was never the "hard core" household in our local ward by any stretch.)
It was never my intention to discover the awful truth behind mormonism, at least not at first. I tripped on a website and fell facefirst into the awful mess that Joseph Smith left behind as part of his "legacy." Only then were my eyes opened to the things that have been kept from me all these years as a member of the "one true church."
To this day, the church wants to pretend these horrible truths don't exist. Officially, they either sidestep the issue, or attempt to wave them away with a curt "so what?"
I refuse to accept such pat answers, thankyouverymuch.
I am a Mormon.
But I am in recovery.
This is my journey.
posted by Al Jordan | 7:50 AM
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